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| Damn The Variables |
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| Written by Angela Latoof Cagle | ||||||||||||||
| Sunday, 24 January 2010 19:28 | ||||||||||||||
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"Come here," I say. Really, marriage is so much more work than a 9-5 job. Marriage is a job all of its own with no known variables remaining the same--except that you're married. Think about it. Jobs change, cars are replaced with newer ones (as will many a spouse), kids come, kids go, kids come back with more kids*--ya know, the variables never stay the same--except that you are still married. So, to get back to why I was calling to Jim, my husband, had nothing to do with any intention of kicking him. However, the thought had more appeal than I care to admit. And I could see his look of unsureness when he saw the pleased look cross my face at the idea. Call me a dreamer. "No," I say. "I want you to see what I found in Sky Mall." "I thought I trashed that," he said. "You told me to toss all catalogs until we sold our other house and, and, what is that dripping off of the magazine? Is that coffee grounds? Did you dig that out of the garbage?" "Of course not. I paid our son two bucks to do it," I said with indignation. Uh-oh, the sigh and the foot change. "Look at this. It's a hair trimmer with a mini swirly blade, sort of like the hair vacuum cutter," I explained at his look of confusion. "You know, the hair cutter vacuum thingy from the late '80's or early '90's. You remember, don't you? It vacuumed your hair while it cut it?" Apparently not. "Well, look at this! It's a table with two chairs and when the chairs scoot up it makes a table. How cool is that?" I could see his dutiful nodding of his head, as he contemplated me with the dirty magazine (literally, not metaphorically) dripping coffee grounds, and me mesmerized by the novelties within. I start eying his unruly hair. He can definitely use a vacuum-hair trimmer thingy. And by the look on his face, I think he knows it. Yep, the variables will get you every time. Can't say I liked them much in math, and can't say I'm too wild about them in marriage. I bet Jim isn't either.
*Concept of kids coming back and bringing more kids was originally said by comedian Jerry Clower from Liberty, MS. 
 
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| Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 January 2010 10:24 |
Holy chihuahua....a Mexican standoff!
The math variables are you paying your son $2 to get the catalog out of the garbage, but Jim paying his son $3 to toss it back into it.
Now tell me where the term "kickapoo joy juice" came from 
