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| Toe-Nailed!! Ewww!! |
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| Written by Cecelia Latoof | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, 28 March 2010 00:00 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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A lifetime ago--yes, that's right, I've lived more than one--I dated a guy I'll call 'Chiz' (not his real name). Chiz had a 7th degree black belt and was quite proficient in kick boxing (why would anyone want to stand in a ring and just kick the crap out of one another?).
So Chiz and his opponent stood eye to eye and toe to toe. Let the mayhem begin! This is a full contact sport with lots of full contact. His opponent just couldn't seem to land a kick though he tried valiantly. Chiz, on the other hand, landed kick after kick. It nearly made me sick watching the sweat get kicked right off the other guy's face as his head was wrenched from side to side with each blow. Chiz was winning and in a big way. Suddenly, there's blood flying around the ring. It was coming from Chiz's face. I thought, "Wow! That other guy must be really good because no one even saw him land a blow!" As blood pooled on the mat, the bell rang and the fight ended. Chiz lost in a big way according to the judges' scores. His opponent was black and blue and swollen all over. He hardly even looked human anymore. But Chiz was bleeding like he was dying--it didn't look good. On the way home, Chiz was steaming mad. All I could think was, "poor loser". However, when we got home and he cleaned up, he came into the living room and I noticed a scratch across his nose. Wow! Was that where all that blood came from? He was seething mad. His opponent had actually made a single contact during their brawl--with his sharpened, long, big dirty toenail. It had just scrapped along the bridge of his nose and he bled like a stuck pig. He was incredulous at his loss and grossed out at the dirty toenail. Though I never attended another of his tournaments, I was at his house as he prepared to go to his rematch with his old adversary. Chiz had a smug look on his face as he ate six cloves of garlic washed down with a bottle of Tabasco sauce. He bragged that he hadn't bathed in a week to prepare for this match. I think he was probably lying and hadn't really bathed in a much longer time than that. My eyes watered with his stench. Then, he showed me his coup de grace. With a wicked grin, he slipped off his shoes, peeled off his socks, and showed me the grossest, longest, sharpest dirtiest big toenails I'd ever seen. He won his match that night. I'm sure his opponent still has nightmares about those nasty toenails slashing and cutting fillets from his face. Chiz made sure to never make full foot-face contact. Instead, he just carved the guy up with whips of toenail-face art. He told me he was trying to leave his initials in the guy's cheek. He did manage to make the letter 'C'. 
 
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| Last Updated on Sunday, 23 May 2010 18:50 |
Hey C, a good fight can actually be an exhilarating experience for a guy - especially if you win. My eldest son has a black belt, teaches Karate, & loves a good fight. I studied it a wee bit, but never got to use it much. I found that the threat of it in the early years was enough for others to back off. I thought they were wise. There is another way to utilize your nails in a more positive way, & wonder if Chiz ever learned it? c'est la vie! 
